Friday, June 12, 2015

Deliver Me No 4

It has been a looooong while…and guess what? In between, I delivered my 4th baby !

Though I still remember vividly each and every past deliveries, I somehow found myself browsing my old posts, reading about it all over again.  No matter how much you remember, nothing beats thoughts written down.

And well, here I am, when the memories are still fresh…

I was very huge this time around, at 62kg, the heaviest I have been in my life.  Having cakes, brownies and chocolate chip cookies almost every day, it is no surprise of my 17kg weight gain.

Towards the end of my pregnancy, I could no longer fit regular shoes and succumbed to hideous (but comfy and wide) sandals. Heaven knows I don't wear sandals to work, even a Stuart Weitzman's.  Going up and down the stairs at home and at the office also taking a toll on my back, but luckily it was not as bad as I experienced during my 1st pregnancy.

So on my 38th week appointment, my gynae confirmed the baby is still 'up' and based on my previous delivery dates which is not far from the EDD, I am very likely to deliver around my EDD.  I cringed thinking having to deal with pregnancy another 2 weeks. *yeah, I'm gonna miss it two years from now*

The next morning around 7 o'clock, I felt pain around my waist.  I had been enduring 'Round Ligament Pain' throughout this pregnancy, which making getting up from bed and chair an ordeal, so I was quite confused whether this is labour pain making its appearance.  

The thing about 'Round Ligament Pain', it is like cramps, will go away in a few seconds.  But one hour later, the mild pain didn't go away.  So I told my other half, this is probably The Day.

I went out to have breakfast, by this time, the pain was much stronger.  Due to its interval, I believed these are real contractions.  I even had to stop eating at each wave of the contraction.  In fact, I wondered what on earth am I doing here eating roti canai when I am supposed to be in labour ward.

My other half was cool because I was calm.  I was sure he thought it is just mild pain which I can handle like a slight headache.  I packed my hospital bag and lied on my bed.  It was already 11 am and the contractions were coming at 3 minutes interval.  Pain was still bearable.  *Please don't take my words as each individual has different threshold level of pain*

At 11.30 am, I felt that it is time to go to the hospital.  Pain was still manageable, but I didn't want to wait until I can not walk.  Me on wheel chair?

Reached the Delivery Ward at 12 noon and I was happy to know I am already 6cm dilated !

I planned on epidural-free delivery, hence the reason why I delayed going to the hospital.  I prefer to manage the labour pain, by tossing and turning at the comfort of my own bed.  But of course, you have to know your own body, to decide when to call the shot. 

The nurse shoved me a 'mask' and told me it is 'gas'.  I smiled and said I never used it before.  Inhale at each contraction and exhale. Ok, got it.

The gynae came to break the water bag and only after that I cursed myself for being adventurous on epidural-free delivery.  By this time, the 'gas' was my best friend.  

The baby was still 'up' but the pain was already very intense.  When delivering my 3rd baby, I remembered how easy the baby came out.  Now it was a different scenario altogether.  Gosh, it hit me at that very moment, no two deliveries are the same.  How naive I am?

The nurse tried to widen the opening (whatever it is) and asked me to push at each contraction. I found her request a bit funny.  I'm dealing with crazy contraction pain every one minute or so, and I have to push at the same time? Hah, this is not the right time to be a multi-tasker !

But in fact she is right.  I have to push three times continuously.  But what I did was I only pushed twice.  By the time I had to push the third time, the contraction subsided and I took a breather.  A few seconds was all I need to recharge.  Hmmm…why didn't I think to bring 100 Plus or Red Bull for the extra energy?

I finally felt something came out.  I was relieved.  Nobody should see me the last 30 minutes.  I feel bad my other half had to witness his wife turning from a calm-and-composed-lady-carrying-a-Chanel-bag to a-woman-who-wails-like-a-dolphin-only-that-it-isn't-cute.

Then something bigger came out of me.  Ouh, that is the body, just now was the head. Silly me.

At this point, all those mind-blowing pains diminished into thin air.  It was a surreal feeling that when it's over, it's over.  The room which was previously filled with my groans, turned into a quiet ghost town.  Apart from first cry of my baby which lasted for a good few minutes, the only sound I heard was the movements of the nurses doing their cleaning-ups.

I survived without perineal tear, so no stitches needed.  

There I was like a lost soul.  The feeling of winning a battle but sans commotion to follow suit.

Then I looked to the right. A crib with a baby inside, tightly wrapped in a pink blanket.

Wow did he just come out of me? *looked at my flat tummy*

Baby Raif was born on 31 May 2015 at 1.30pm.  Stats : 3.6 kg in weight and 49.5 cm in height.

Friday, September 26, 2014

Life Lessons

I was strolling in a shopping mall with Razin the other day, when I heard someone yelling so loud, it echoed through out the huge mall.  Out of curiosity, I walked ahead to find the source of sound, and from afar I could see a young lady in uniform (looked like a Sales Assistant), on the phone, talking with high-decibel voice.

She was hopping mad.  Totally oblivious everyone is watching her from a distance. I even caught someone video-recorded this SA action on a smartphone.

Something must have bothered this SA terribly because from her conversation (couldn't help listening), she was downright angry at the person on the line.

Razin heard the commotion too so I asked him, "Can we yell at someone?".  

He shook his head.

Phew, I would go zonkers if he said YES !!!

Though schools teach us many things, but most life lessons are beyond classrooms. 

At young age, we were taught to speak nicely to people.  To express our gratitude by saying 'thank you'. To greet people with 'hello'. To ask something with a 'please'.  To leave a place politely with 'excuse me, I have to go'.  

During roll-play, we giggled when our classmate said 'I'm sorry'.  We could not feel nor understand the magnitude of these strong words simply because it was out of sincerity.

The real experience is however, when we are in the circumstances of uttering these words to strangers whom reactions are genuine.  

We would not realise how enormously great a simple 'thank you' make us feel until someone says it in appreciation.

Likewise, we would not feel the pain of awful words in a heated argument until we have been in that ugly situation.

I remember watching a reality tv show where a temperamental young lady just can't talk in a low voice. She only yelled and always in rage.  There was not a moment she is calm.  Later the tv crew went to her mom's house, they found out her mom also talked in the same way.  These household were raised in such a way that the only means of communicating is through screaming and bashing with nasty words.

Speaking of which, I believe home is our first school and the parents are our first teachers.

Being a parent, I am wary about my children environment.  We strive to provide a conducive realm for our kids to grow up, but not all elements are within our control.

How do I explain it is dangerous smoking cigarette when others are puffing away in front of my children?

How do I tell my children we have to stop at the red light when they are a few riders run over it?

If Razin said YES to the incident at the mall, how do I say it's not okay to yell at someone?

The only consoling thing is young children emulate the parents' behaviours, actions and reactions.  I don't find it difficult answering the above questions because I don't smoke, I stop at red light and and I don't yell at people.

Nobody is perfect but it is no harm in perfecting ourselves, for example to be more well-mannered (if there is such thing).  In fact, it drives me to be a better person because I know my children are looking up at me.

In this pursuit, I keep reminding myself I can not shield my children completely from negative elements.  Being too protective can also be destructive to my children's mind.  I can not let them think life is a fairy tale that only good things exist.

I rather let them experience life within boundaries, and educate them the rights and wrongs.  Through experience hopefully, will guide them making wise decisions.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Morning War

I feel good today.

I woke up on the right side of bed. Correct side, I mean.  I had beautiful dream that I kept rewinding in my head hours after. The sky was clear after a predawn drizzle. No haze whatsoever. The weather was perfectly cool for a blazer.   

But that main reason of this cloud-nine feeling is I don't need to enter a battle with Razin this morning.

I (everyone) always had a hard time with him, especially preparing him to go to school.  His moods are always unpredictable that I have to ponder the whole day - which parts have gone wrong?

Was he sleeping late?

Was there homework he forgot to do?

Did I say something that hurt his feeling last night?

Did we ignore any of his requests the day before?

Was he hungry before he went to sleep?

Razin doesn't talk much and doesn't express himself in comfortable ways where others can comprehend. He rather keep it inside when he is sad, angry, hungry, thirsty, tired, name it.

So it is quite a daunting task for me to figure out what went wrong.

But my other half is adamant that I should have understand him better because not only he is my flesh and blood, but his characters are very much like mine. Poor me?
All dressed up but he refused to go to school because it is not his turn to sit on the front passenger seat. And, Rizqin wouldn't bulge.

One of his bad hair days which I forgot why.

All sunshine when Razin in jovial mood in the morning

So now whenever he throws tantrums, I will look in the mirror and reminisce the days my parents pull their hair over me.  *Poor them*  By putting myself in his shoes, I'm beginning to understand him better.

The only thing is whether I can stand with his whims and fancies.

Pancake again for dinner?